Sunday, 13 January 2019


Thanks to social media, I've found out that humanity is still evolving, not necessarily in a good way though, I refer to a new species of human called Home Gulibbleus. This information comes from some people on Twitter who have suggested that these routines won't make you live longer, it will just feel like you have.

Here are some examples of the routines these people follow:

5.55 - 6.45 I wake up and immediately re-hydrate. Your body is the most absorbent after you sleep, I have a glass of Rebel Kitchen Raw coconut water.

Another one states, 7.45 am. I wake up having had, on average seven hours and forty one minutes sleep. I have analysed my sleep over the last four years and this is the perfect amount for me.

Now, I like a spreadsheet as much as anyone else does, but this is taking the piddle, it continues.

8.00 Take a shower using natural product as the chemicals found in shampoo and shower gels can be toxic. Weigh myself and use a litmus strip to measure my urine pH levels.

Now this takes a stranger turn and we realise that we are dealing with someone very special indeed.

8.20 I turn on my HumanCharger, a device that looks like an iPod with an earpiece that shines light into my ear to give me energy.

5.00am to 6.00 am I wake up then journal, I reflect on a dream or decide what three things I want to accomplish that day . Then I go outdoors

I often go to Hyde Park, take off my shoes,  stare at the sun and do yoga for 20 minutes, being barefoot grounds me and I receive electrons from the earth.

Generally if I go barefoot in a park I either stand on a dog turd or slug or get bitten on my toe by an ant.

They go on. I sun-stare because the UV rays aren't harmful to my retina for the first hour after sunrise and it resets my circadian rhythm and helps me fall asleep later in the day.

There's more screenshots from the articles below

And can you imagine working with this idiot

What scares the crap out of me is that these people are allowed to breed, I feel that the human race won't around for much longer. 

Just to carry out some tests on the validity of these processes, I spent most of the day with a couple of bicycle lamps pointing inwards mounted on my head in a framework made of Mecanno.

I went out in a field barefoot,  I found that doing stretching exercises while barefoot in a thunderstorm gives you a shitload of electrons and a melted wristwatch. There I was standing in a field with lights shining from the side of my head and sparks flying from my watch looking like a bald overweight and singed Conner McCleod getting a quickening. The Mecanno and bicycle lamps welded themselves to my glasses, the bulbs in the bicylcle lamps exploded, I now have one less earlobe than when I started, it took me about an hour and a half with a hacksaw to get the melted mess off my head and I now having interesting scar tissue from where the pieces of metal melted into my skull.

A few days later I went back to the park and spent half an hour staring at the sun trying to reset my circadian rhythm. I then found that I couldn't see a bloody thing expect huge spots in front of my eyes, I couldn't find my shoes and socks and I think I stood on a dead squirrel on the way back home.

After a while my eyesight started coming back and I thought I'd go out and find some activated charcoal. I couldn't find any, but there was a bag of anthracite for sale in the local garage, i chewed on one of these and I now have to visit the dentist to get a new set of dentures.

Many thanks to Eileen O'Duffy and  @sbl1976  on the Twitter thing for bringing this to my attention, be very afraid, these people are around you.

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